Dat update doe

To anyone who actually reads this blog:

I will be taking a mini-hiatus from posting to work on a monstrous list, my top 100 songs of all time! As you can imagine, this will take some time. In the absence of posting lists, I will satiate you with one more before I embark on my adventure. Enjoy the best genwun Pokemon (excluding legendaries of course)!

OFFICIAL POWER RANKINGS OF TOP 10 MOST BADASS GENERATION ONE POKEMON

10. Nidoking

9. Blastoise

8. Sandslash

7. Dragonite

6. Dugtrio

5. Charizard

4. Jolteon

3. Alakazam

2. Arcanine

1. Haunter

See you in a couple of weeks...

Albums to get for your friends!

Hey everyone!

It's going to be a slow work week up until Christmas, so I figured it would be a good time for a blog post. No OC though, I'm going to tweak one of my older lists. It's my top 10 favorite albums list! Maybe they'd make a good gift this holiday season? Hohoho.

The way I rated these albums was on 2 separate 10 point scales, and one 5 point scale.I would then add those scores together to reach a total score out of 25. The categories I graded were:

• Consistency (out of 10) - Do the songs follow the same patterns throughout the album? Or is it a mash-up of different styles the don't necessarily work together? The more consistent the album is the higher the score.
• The studs to duds ratio (out of 10) - How many songs on the album are of the utmost quality? Home many are on the low end of quality? As the ratio moves in favor of the standouts, the score goes up.
• Album Art (out of 5) - Though it doesn't necessarily play in to the quality of the music, it shows the effort that the artist put into making the album good throughout. Also I didn't really have a good third category.

I had previously listed and ranked my favorite albums, but I'll go ahead and re-rank them according to this system. My list previously was:

1. Plastic Beach - Gorillaz
2. Camp - Childish Gambino
3. Who Will Cut Our Hair When We're Gone? - The Unicorns
4. Man on the Moon - Kid Cudi
5. All Day - Girl Talk
6. Astro Lounge -  Smashmouth
7. Invaders Must Die - The Prodigy
8. Enema of the State - Blink 182
9. Riot! - Paramore
10. Pinkerton - Weezer

Let's Re-rank them!

Pinkerton - 16/25

Consistency Score - 7/10

Most of this album is upbeat, fun to sing with songs that capture Weezer's style pretty well. A few slower paced songs are nice to break it up, but man Rivers sounds real sad at the end of this album. If the whole album were like "El Scorcho" I might have a heart attack, but it would at least make me feel better about myself than if I listened to "Butterfly" a few times. Still rocking consistently enough for a 7.

Studs:Duds - 6/10

Studs - The Good Life, El Scorcho, Pink Triangle, Tired of Sex, Why Bother

Duds - No Other One

Album Art - 3/5

While the art for this album is cool and has an interesting history behind it, it really doesn't have much to do with the music. It's print 16/53 in the series "The Fifty-three Stations of the Tokkaido" which depicts the journey on the Tokkaido road from Edo to Kyoto, Japan. Not very relevant to a 90's grunge band. But it sill looks pretty cool, and you could have fooled me into saying the scene depicted was a far off land named Pinkerton.

Riot! - 18/25

Consistency Score - 8/10

This album screams Paramore. If you wanted to know what kind of music they, played this album is all you need. They have a couple of slower, vocalist centered songs to show off Haley Williams' talent but otherwise kind of ruin the vibe. Other than that it's really good throughout and makes for a great album.

Studs:Duds - 5/10

Studs - That's What You Get, Misery Business, Crushcrushcrush, Fences, Born for This

Duds - When it Rains, We Are Broken

Album Art - 5/5

This art really captures Paramore's essence, emo/punk rock with a little bit of flair. It's simple, but still says a whole lot about the band's style. Sometimes simple is better, remember to KISS it!

Enema of the State - 20/25

Consistency Score - 9/10

This album is chock full of consistently up-tempo beats. It's a model of consistency for other albums, mainly because DeLonge has such a distinct voice that resonates through the whole thing. There are no songs that I actively dislike on the album, they all work.

Studs:Duds - 5/10

Studs- Adam's Song, What's My Age Again?, All the Small Things,

Duds - None

Album Art - 6/5

I'm not even joking, this is the best album cover ever. What screams "Enema of the State" more than a nurse fitting into her glove nice and tight? Also, apparently Blink didn't know that the model for the cover was a porn star. They just "happened to pick her." Alright guys...

Invaders Must Die - 18/25

Consistency Score - 10/10

This album is so consistent throughout it actually became a criticism. "They just do the same old shit." Well guess what, I happen to like this shit a lot, and they do it really well. The only song I don't really want to listen to is Warrior's Dance, and even that follows the same model as the rest of the tracks.

Studs:Duds -  5/10

Studs - Invaders Must Die, Take Me To The Hospital, Stand Up, Run With the Wolves

Duds - Warrior's Dance

Album Art - 3/5

It captures the group's hardcore mentality, but it's not really too flashy. Sometimes simple is better, and this cover has a good balance to it. Plus, orange is my favorite color.

Astro Lounge - 22/25

Consistency Score - 8/10

There is honestly not a single song on this album I don't like. That being said, songs like "Home" and "Fallen Horses" aren't really in the same category as most of the others on the album. A few songs have a different feel than the other California surfer based ska rock that's so prevalent throughout, but it's not a very drastic shift. Definitely workable.

Studs:Duds - 10/10

Studs - Diggin' Your Scene, I Just Wanna See, All Star, Then The Morning Comes, Come On Come On, Can't Get Enough Of You Baby

Duds - None

Album Art - 4/5

It actually makes sense, has the right amount of pizzazz and still comes across as simple. Plus, that's a place I would like to party.

All Day - 20/25

Consistency Score - 10/10

It's pretty tough to rate this for consistency when it's really all one song. If they are broken up however, it's still pretty masterful. The mash-ups that comprise each track are very artfully done, and each one fits the mold for the album. When you combine them all together it's an hour of well put together music that flows from track to track.

It's pretty hard to come up with a ratio for this album, seeing as there aren't really any bad songs. I will however say that, without a doubt, "Triple Double" is the best track that Girl Talk has ever put out. 

Studs:Duds: 8/10

Studs - Triple Double

Duds - None really

Album Art - 2/5

It's a fairly cool image, but the art doesn't have much to do with the overall theme. Is there a theme?

Man on the Moon - 19/25

Consistency Score - 8/10

This album is pretty consistent throughout, telling the story of a struggling Kid Cudi and his pretty sad life. Although the album is fairly depressing overall, it mixes in some up-tempo beats that make it more bearable. Even though it detracts from the overall consistency, it follows the story that Cudi creates. The five acts progress through his life smoothly, with each song taking the next step towards the end.  

Stud:Duds - 7/10

Studs - Soundtrack 2 My Life, Day N' Nite, Enter Galactic, Pursuit of Happiness, Up Up and Away, Sky Might Fall, Make her Say

Duds - Hyyerr

Album Art - 4/5

This is some pretty sweet art, it definitely follows the name of the album and has a smooth gradient from face to moon. The colors also blend really well to give a solid contrast between man and moon.

Who Will Cut Our Hair When We're Gone? - 21/25

Consistency Score - 9/10

WWCOHWWG is full of similar tempos and beats, and it makes for one heck of an album. It has that screechy indie rock feel in each song, and even though a few slower tempos are put in, the feel of the songs are consistent. 

Studs:Duds - 8/10

Studs - Jellybones, I Was Born a Unicorn, Les Os, Inoculate the Innocuous, Sea Ghost

Duds - None

Album Art - 4/5

I'm a big fan of this artwork. It speaks to the absolute insanity that is this group. They're unpredictable Canadian hipsters. Also unicorns and rainbows go hand in hand. 

Camp - 19/25

Consistency Score - 9/10

Glover really weaves his style into each one of the songs on this album, which creates an atmosphere of consistency. His signature comedic lyrics shows through in each track, making a complete work of music.

Studs:Duds - 7/10

Studs -Bonfire, Heartbeat, Fire Fly, Outside, Sunrise, Backpackers, L.E.S.

Duds - Letter Home

Album Art - 3/5

The cover makes sense, but it's not really anything special. It's about as mediocre as it gets, but it doesn't distract the listener or take away from the music. It's simple, but a little too simple.

Plastic Beach - 22/25
Consistency Score  - 10/10
One of the reasons that this album is on this list in the first place is due to its amazing consistency. I absolutely love the feel that you get throughout, whether it's the crazy synth pop beats or the heavy rap, it speaks the same language. The style of music is consistent throughout, and even though "Sweepstakes" basically ruins this album entirely it still has the same islandy feel that you get from the rest of the tracks. As much as it pains me to say that.

Studs:Duds - 8/10
Studs - Welcome To The World Of The Plastic Beach, White Flag, Stylo, Superfast Jellyfish, Empire Ants, On Melancholy Hill, Broken, To Binge, Glitter Freeze, Rhinestone Eyes
Duds - Sweepstakes, Cloud of Unknowing

Album Art - 4/5
I really like the art for this album. It's incredibly Gorillaz-esque, and relates to the whole concept in a simple way. It's very detailed, but at the same time simplistic in it's idea. There are also 3 other covers for the album, depicting the same scene at different times of the day. Cool.

So there you have it, all of the albums re-ranked based on the new criteria I've set. Here's the list re-ranked.
1. Plastic Beach - 22/25
2. Astro Lounge - 22/25
3. Who Will Cut Our Hair When We're Gone? - 21/25
4. All Day - 20/25
5. Enema of the State - 20/25
6. Camp - 19/25
7. Man on the Moon - 19/25
8. Invaders Must Die - 18/25
9. Riot! - 18/25
10. Pinkerton - 16/25

Top 6 Astronauts

Yes, you read that right. Top 6 astronauts. Why you ask? The answer is simple.
MYSTERY GOOGLE.
Well technically Mystery Seeker, but whatever. The concept is you search for something like you normally would on Google, but instead of getting your search results you get a different users results. So when I typed in "give me something to rank" the first response was naturally "astronauts." When I typed in "give me a number" the first response was 6.

So here you go, the top 6 astronauts of all time.

6. Buzz Aldrin

Dat foot

Guys, Buzz Aldrin was really cool. Yeah yeah yeah, he was the SECOND guy to walk on the moon and all, but he had a really interesting life. Did you know that he turned down a full ride to MIT to go to West Point? I don't know to many people who would do that. Buzz was also the voice behind the famous "one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" quote, one of the most iconic quotes of all time. His foot has forever left its mark on the surface of the moon.
Buzz was the first person to take communion on the moon, which is a pretty cool thing to brag about. On top of that, the food and drink he consumed for communion were the first food and drink ever consumed on the moon. SUCK IT ARMSTRONG.

Ok enough about people, let's get down to the true heroes. ANIMALS IN SPACE.

5. Albert II
Albert II was the second monkey in space, and unlike that bitch Albert I he didn't suffocate during the flight. No, Albert II made it the whole fucking trip and then died on impact when parachuting back down to earth. He was the first monkey in space, as his rocket achieved a height of 83 miles. He's a true American Hero.

4. Strelka

Yup, they have their own movie

Strelka was part of a spaceship full of animals aboard Sputnik 5 that successfully made a round trip into space. Paired with her canine buddy Belka, they became wildly popular among Soviets and Americans alike. Strelka ended up having 6 puppies post space travel (not with Belka), one of which was given to Caroline Kennedy by Khruschnev. Their puppy descendants still live today. BADASS.

3. Arabella
Done as a student project by Judy Miles in good old Lexington, MA, several spiders were sent into space on the Skylab 3 mission*. The goal was to see whether or not web creation would be hampered by the low gravity of space. Arabella the spider finished one web, and then had it torn down by the astronauts so she could build another one. She gave them a metaphorical middle finger and built a more elaborate second web. Then Arabella died of dehydration. Now that's a tearjerker.

2. Félicette 
Félicette the cat was sent into space by France in 1963. She survived 15 minutes in space and a parachute descent. Félicette was a monumental success due to the fact that she actually cooperated, as most cats would have ripped the astronauts to pieces before going into space. Apparently Felix was supposed to go instead of Félicette, but he escaped prior to the launch. Congratulations Felix, on affirming cat stereotypes. Dick.

1. Ham the chimp

Ham returning from space

Ham (or, depending on who you speak to, No. 65 or Chop Chop Chang) was probably the most successful chimp in space. Not only did he survive the trip, he lived to the ripe old age of 26. He spent the last 17 years of his life at the North Carolina Zoo being coddled and waited on like a king. Ham had a simple task, check reaction times in space. He had to pull a lever after being shown a specific stimuli (a blue light in this case); failure to do so resulted in a mild shock while successfully pulling the lever got him a banana pellet. His testing proved that tasks could be preformed in space, and Ham was a pioneer when it came to experiments conducted in orbit. Ham was given a proper burial, and his skeleton now resides along the remains of CIVIL WAR SOLDIERS. That's KOABD. Ham, you're a real hero.




* It is the opinion of the author that all spiders should be shot into space and/or killed with fire.

B-List movies!

You know what's great? Movies that are so bad, that they're good. Or at least good enough to laugh at them (notice how I didn't say with them). B-list movies can be some of the best, and I'm no exception to enjoying them. Here are 7 solid B-listers that will shake your faith in the movie industry.

7. Dragon Wars: D-War (2007)
Budget: $70,000,000
Grossed: $10,956,379
Holy hell this is a real movie. And they really sucked 70 million dollars into it. If you're looking for a night of absolute hilarity, please watch this movie. The sheer unrealistic nature of what is happening makes for a fun night (unless you believe in the mythical background, than I apologize for insulting your beliefs).

6. Time Bandits (1981)
Budget: $5,000,000
Grossed: $42,365,600
I don't know if this counts as a B-list movie or not, but I'm putting it on this list anyways. For a movie with Sean Connery I expected more, but holy crap his character played such a minimal role he didn't deserve to be on the cover. The basic plot is a little kid gets a visit from a group of dwarves that time travel across the universe with a map made by the almighty one. He joins them, goes to Greece, meets Sean Connery (aka Alexander The Great), wants to stay, gets taken by the dwarves, meets the devil, kills the devil, goes home, watches his parents die after touching concentrated evil, Sean Connery becomes a fireman that puts out his burning house and winks at the kid. YEAH I DON'T GET IT EITHER.

5. Cheerleader Ninjas (2002)
No box office information available
So this movie exists. While it does have a shocking amount of nudity, that's not what makes this a watchable movie. It's the absolutely hilarious "stunt doubles" that gets me. It's like they aren't even trying. The story line itself is pretty laughable, just watch the trailer and enjoy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3gGRYMTenU

4. Shaolin Soccer (2001)/Kung Fu Dunk (2008)
Budget (soccer): $39,167
Grossed (soccer): $488,872
Budget (dunk): $10,000,000 est.
Grossed (dunk): N/A
I'm going to go ahead and lump these two majestic movies together based on the fact that they're pretty similar. And amazing.
They're both about sport teams that use Kung Fu to master the game and attempt to win a championship. Of course the best thing about these movies are the overdone special effects and ridiculous athleticism that no human being can attain. The story is pretty meh in both, but they're hilarious nonetheless and in the end make enough sense to be great.

3. The FP (2011)
Budget: $60,000
Grossed: $40,557
Holy fucking shit this movie. I honestly have no words to describe the sheer confusion and euphoria I get watching this movie. It's a post-apocalypse, DDR, Hunger Games based movie directed and starred in by a man with an eye patch. Do yourself a favor and watch this fucking movie.
Fun fact: "Fuck" is said over 250 times during this movie.

2. Alien Vs. Ninja (2010)
Budget: $600,000 est.
Grossed: N/A
The epitome of poorly dubbed Japanese movies, AVN is an absolute masterpiece. Just read this review:

"Plot? See title.Low budget? Yep. Filmed on digi-cam? Yes. Terrible CGI? You bet. Men in rubber suits straight out of Power Rangers? Oh man, you've seriously got to see it to believe how cool it is!

Word to the wise: if you can't appreciate flicks like The Story of Ricky, you may not like this. It's an action-comedy, the effects add to the fun, there are plenty of cool bits and if you like kung fu this should leave you pumped-up.

Watch this film!"

This movie is outrageously funny, and there's a scene where ninjas who have been taken over by aliens stand in a circle and just chant "fuck you" for a few minutes. If that's not riveting I don't know what it.

1. Mega Piranha (2010)
No box office information available
This movie is the best. No really, it's the fucking best. When the world is taken over by a mutant strain of piranha that are hundreds times the size of normal piranha, this movie will be a bible. Never before have I laughed so much in the face of absolute danger. It's now the standard to which I hold all B-list movies, and you'll be doing yourself a favor by watching it.
Favorite scene: A tie between piranha jumping out of the water and exploding on contact with a building AND the main character shooting a flare gun into the mouth of a villain and seeing his head explode.
If that doesn't sell you I don't know what will.